I wanted to catch up. Sorry for the delay between posts. Life has been absolutely crazy.
Perhaps that’s why I have been more on edge lately and my depression is back with vengeance? Not sure.
Trying to explain to a friend who doesn’t completely understand that depression isn’t necessarily something you can’t “talk” yourself out of. I can sometimes talk myself out of thinking of sad scenes of the Fox and the Hound and not crying, sure. But this is for SURE not something I can talk myself out of.
I’ve been working part-time at a Truck stop for the last month or so because I desperately need extra income for food and gas. This term I am taking Fundamentals and Pharmacology. Man, am I in over my head especially for Pharm.
I don’t think memorizing this stuff would be so difficult if there wasn’t a big time deficit in my weeks between being in class half of the day Monday through Thursday and then at work 30 days at week.
But then the real kicker is then there’s depression saying, “Nope, you don’t have the energy, motivation, or will to read anything or study anything. So, just lay your pretty little head down and sleep for the next 6 hours.”
Which obviously doesn’t help anxiety out, who doesn’t think that’s a good idea.
So, I started googling what other people do in this situation. How the heck do people study when their depression and anxiety is in full force? And I found some really great forums with awesome ideas I plan on trying out… hopefully in enough time to save my behind from failing my classes and flunking Nursing school.
Which I suppose is another reason fear and anxiety is on my case: if I fail, I’m out of the game. I lose government funding and that’s it. I don’t get another shot at this thing. I can sure, maybe wait until next year to see if I get any financial aid but this year? Nope. Because I worked in 2013. Two years ago. *Sigh.*
But on other notes. I had my first clinical YESTERDAY.
We went to a nursing home and I suppose to start out we followed an LPN for most of the day. We were assigned to two patients each and did some assessments on them. I felt pretty okay but not as confident as my partner-in-crime. We also got to look at the patient’s charts which were packed full of information which was pretty easy to read except for some scribble from some nurses or doctors. Over all it was pretty good. I just felt a bit awkward and shy but I know that will go away as I get more comfortable.
So, here’s my update! I wanted to share the link of the forum I was reading for ideas on how to combat my depression/study battle so here it is: Studying while depressed
May the right serotonin levels be with you!
P.S. Here’s my clinical photo. Light makeup so I didn’t look like a zombie by 10am.